Dejection

Hey guys.

I just got back from school.

Life is balls, currently.

I'm damn sorry to all you guys for not posting for such a long time. I know some of you guys are mad at me, but I understand.

I'm taking loads of blame lately, as lots of stuff has been my fault. Life isn't turning out as well as I thought. Things are working against me right now, and I'm just doing my best to make amendments. I've been feeling a lot for the past few weeks, so I shall just spit all of it out here, and try to clear my head.

I haven't been doing tons of stuff right, from my social life all the way through my school life.

Firstly, the biology project which me and the malay were supposed to be working on was a total flunk, seeing as its already more than one week overdue. Our lackadaisical attitude is the main cause of all this. If we were more serious and dedicated from the start, we'd already have completed the project a long time ago. All we've been doing up till now is just screwing off and slacking.

Soccer is also another main problem. Staying back after school to play soccer has seriously affected my academic studies, rather the same as last year. Especially during common test week, I'm still staying back to play at least an hour a day. I just can't believe how something as fun and enjoyable as soccer can turn out to be one of the biggest bane of my life.

Well, I guess that there can be 'too much of a good thing'. Soccer was, and still is, how I bond with my friends. I guess I'll never stop playing soccer, but too much soccer can seriously affect your studies, as I've experienced time and again.

Every single day after coming back from soccer practice,  I'll collapse onto my bed the first thing I get home, which affects my homework seeing as I've either no time to complete it or I'm too exhausted to complete it. Unlike Rayson or Yuhang, I do not have boundless reserves of energy and stamina. I'll get damn tired just from a short work out, be it basketball or soccer, which results in me not doing my homework.

I swear, if I don't control it, soccer is gonna ruin my life someday. I never learnt from past mistakes, from sec 1 all the way till now. But I'm seriously hoping that that'll all change. Soccer is fun and keeps you fit, but if you persist with spamming soccer every other day, and neglect your studies, then you're seriously gonna pay the price. That seems to be what I'm doing right now, and I want to change that.

I feel like a bastard that can't accomplish anything. Me dads been working his ass off for the family nowadays, doing all the chores and cooking and stuff. But I've forsaken him, after all that effort hes put in to care for and look after us.

I feel that anyone who can't even get good grades to pay back their parents for all that they've done is a useless bastard. And I'm feeling like one right now. I can't even ensure that I'd pass my common tests.

For English and Geog, I'd say I was rather confident. But I screwed up my HCL the next day. C.Hum was alright. E maths and Bio sucked. Today's A maths was a total fiasco.

Haiz.......

I'm feeling seriously dejected right now.

Fuck.

Darn it.

Things just haven't been going right for me lately.

But I wanna set things right. I wanna change, and become an even better person for my teachers, friends and family.

And I gotta start by taking that first step foward.

Haiz.....

Never mind. I'll go listen to some of Taeyeon's solos, and hope that maybe serenading myself in her beautiful voice will get me outta this blue funk.

But I gotta go revise. Still got that chemistry paper tomorrow.

Stay faithful,

Aloy